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Love Philosophy Love Philosophy is my way of getting on my little soapbox about relationships. If there's something that everybody from all points of the earth have in common is relationships. And as the church is made up of relationships, it's muy important that the church has strong relationships in order to have a strong church. I tend to think I have an interesting way of looking at relationships and how they work. If you have any questions or comments you would like me to pontificate on, hit me at marq@cocgospel.com The Natural Flow…
This might sound like a ‘no duh’ statement to a lot of readers, but if that was the case, why so many people subject themselves to the drama and pain of relationships that clearly aren’t supposed to work? If you date enough and you have a nice sampling of personalities, you realize that certain personalities flow better with yours than others. Regardless of how your past relationships have ended, haven’t you noticed that when you involve yourself with personalities that are not similar or complementary, you butt heads until Tylenol no longer cure your headaches? And when you find those who are, the concussions you incur from head butting are minimal? Whenever my friends or I complain too much about how someone works their nerves way too much than they should, it’s clear the person’s trait(s) doesn’t naturally flow with ours. Knowing that no one’s perfect, somebody will always say or do something that will work a nerve or two. That’s life. However, we have to be careful not to surround ourselves with people who clearly don’t make you feel comfortable being yourself, irritates you constantly or makes you feel worse off than prior to the relationship. For instance, I love to make people laugh. It really doesn’t profit me any to get with someone who either thinks that laughing is a sin (I’ve met a few in my life) or really doesn’t think my humor is funny. Also being a philosophical (I’m sure the “Love Philosopher” moniker might have given it away) or intellectual person at times (RE: nerdy), it really doesn’t do me any good to date someone who is shallow or where intellect is not their strong suit. Need I say more about being equally yoked with someone spiritually? Let me roll past your block… If you’re artistic and it’s important that you share that side with someone, it really doesn’t make sense to pair yourself with someone who isn’t artistic or at the minimum, doesn’t appreciate your artistic qualities. If you’re a mild-mannered person and you want someone similar, why would you settle for a hot head who’s bent on staying hot? If you’re a romantic, or very good communicator, is it really in your best interests to be with someone who’s emotionless and thinks that silence or yelling all the time is the best way to communicate? If you’re very spiritual, does it make any sense to team yourself with someone who is generally carnal minded and doesn’t have as much concern for their soul as you? The reason why you should stay away from people who clearly don’t naturally flow with your overall personality is because it will always cause friction between you and your partner. And you know what that leads to? WORK! Couples who always find themselves having to work on issues in their relationship are generally those who are not naturally flowing couples. Now again, you’re going to have to work on something in a relationship cuz no two people are exactly alike (and even at times familiarity breeds contempt), but if you always have to work on parenting styles, romance, temperament, spiritual beliefs, domestic roles, life goals, communication styles, trust, etc, etc, you can understand why some of your friends will blow your phone up always complaining about their mate. And subconsciously you will start to feel boxed in or restrained because it’s natural to stop showing certain sides of ourselves when we feel they will not be received the way we would like them to. And guess what that leads to? Resentment! There are many married couples where someone within the union has resented marrying someone who has made them suppress a side of themselves that was important. If you’re a social butterfly and you end up with someone who is generally anti-social, you’ll generally find yourself always having to scale back your butterfly in order to make them feel comfortable. Worse, they’ll force you to scale back at times! Sly Stone had a song out waaay back in the day entitled, “Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin).” Nothing makes you realize that more than when you leave someone who suppresses you and then you get with someone who frees you. One more time for the road, all relationships take a certain amount of work. But it’s very important that you don’t have to spend an endless amount of time and energy working on relationship aspects that should be clearly in sync for the most part after a certain amount of time in a relationship. Communication, expectations, life goals, parenting, a great deal of common interests and we can never forget your walk with Christ and your doctrinal beliefs should always flow. If not, your eyes will seem to always naturally flow with tears! 2 fangers (peace), The Love Philosopher :o) |